A Serious Error
Psychologists have extensively studied various biases and cognitive errors we make in relating to others – these psychological “shortcuts” are part of being human, probably evolutionarily advantageous, but quite destructive in contemporary social interactions. I wrote about one of these in the December newsletter: the Fundamental Attribution Error, or FAE.
We commit the FAE when we judge a person by their actions, assuming that their words or behavior are an accurate and complete representation of who they fundamentally are as a human. For example, the person who votes for X political party must be against democracy. The woman who cut in front of you in line at the store must be selfish and rude. The young man who lives with his parents and has no job must be lazy and feel entitled.
The Fundamental Attribution Error results from an oversimplification in our understanding of people and what motivates them. We don’t take into account their circumstances and all the complex factors that influence human behavior.
Making these assumptions about people can lead us to dismiss them, treat them poorly, or even get into conflict with them. Certainly, it inhibits our ability to listen and truly hear them, because when we’re judging we can’t put our full attention on them. In fact, other types of cognitive biases come into play, and we hear only what confirms our already-formed opinion of them (the confirmation bias.)
We don’t just commit the FAE with strangers; we often label our friends and family the same way. And it’s difficult to change our assessments even when presented with evidence to the contrary. (My mother occasionally reveals that she hasn’t completely given up the negative labels she gave me as a teen!) Can you think of someone close to you who judges you this way, perhaps based on something you did or said long ago?
Studies have shown that we’re most likely to make the FAE and label someone when they’re doing something we believe we would never do ourselves; this seems related to psychological projection, in which we attribute to others those traits or qualities we can’t admit in ourselves. Consider the labels we put on controversial figures, believing that their actions and behavior accurately reflect their true character – is it possible that our assumptions are not fully accurate? They certainly don’t address the complex, nuanced, and contradictory aspects of all humans.
We also make the error in response to someone saying (or writing) something we disagree with or judge as being just too “different.” This at least partly explains the negative assessments we make about people who express “radical” views on social media, or who go against popular opinion on a topic. We might label them as “crazy,” “stupid,” “evil,” or worse. What labels do you place on TV opinion-show hosts who have very different views than you do? Can you see how this might easily lead to anger and hate?
“…we tend to make [someone’s] behavior personal, both by attributing it to some flaw in their nature and by taking it personally.” – Geoffrey L Cohen
In Belonging: The Science of Creating Connection and Bridging Divides, Cohen reminds us that our own actions and words lead others to commit the FAE about us, and their assumptions will influence their response to us. (This can work in positive ways as well as negative ones – a smile and friendly greeting may cause a stranger to label us as kind and accepting, increasing the chance of a favorable interaction.)
When we commit the Fundamental Attribution Error we miss out on seeing the potential, the strengths, and the inner beauty of others. We contribute to division and misunderstanding. What can we do to improve on this?
Cohen recommends two main strategies:
First, we can “train” ourselves to consider how situations and circumstances may be affecting other people and ourselves instead of jumping to conclusions about them. He advises that we practice this, ideally with other people, in response to an everyday outrage we’ve recently experienced. Everyone takes turns coming up with as many imaginative ideas as possible to explain why someone acted the way they did. The goal is to train your mind to readily create alternative explanations for others’ behavior. (I love doing this when someone brings up a complaint about someone else – rather than commiserate with them, I offer several possible reasons for what happened rather than buying into negative, culturally programmed assumptions.)
Second, he points out that we’re more likely to commit the FAE when we’re tired, stressed, or feeling insecure. When we notice we’re feeling hurt or annoyed by others, we can learn to recognize that we need a mental break so that “we can pause to consider a wider range of explanations for another person’s behavior and choose our response wisely.” Specific activities that promote this wisdom include journaling our thoughts and feelings about what happened, imagining the perspective of a neutral third person, and reconnecting with our values to elicit greater charity in our thoughts about others.
With some committed effort, we can begin to free ourselves from the unhealthy, destructive consequences of the FAE and to see other people from a more fair, nuanced, and generous perspective. I encourage you to try the above techniques, and to become aware of the labels and judgments that automatically appear in our minds every day. Your relationships will improve, and I believe you’ll help heal the separation and hate in the world around us.
Amy
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Photo by Tome Louro from Pexels
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